i’m so bloody overwhelmed and hopeless. i wish it had all been like before. i wish i would shrink or not exist. i wish a part of me was lovely, mysterious, enchanting, not pitiful and stupid. i wish i could sleep forever. i wish i hadn’t woken up today, or on so many days behind me. i wish i knew how to read, but now how to speak. i wish i didn’t ruin everything. i wish i could be opened like a chest and leave all of this out of me, but i guess i shall do with a method less clean. i am sorry.