Why is it that however much I try, whatever I do, I never fit in. I’m never accepted. Never, even if I’m so similar to other people. Or I am accepted, by people that have to drift away physically or that connect so intensely but that I have never touched. I can’t have the contact I yearn. No good morning hugs, not one of those sporadic phone calls that people with friends tend to hate, no glares of understanding that don’t require any words to read, no secret language. Nothing.
I can’t stand it. I have to see girls having fun together, girls with whom I have once tried to have that same sort of connection. I see my failure of months and years is nothing to girls they barely meet. I see my own best friends, or the ones that once were, happy with other people that aren’t me. So much happier than they ever were with me!
Why, why is it always me that ends up stranded, why! Why is it always me looking for ghosts and why can’t I just live freaking normally and not just have to live out of the people I make up?!